Oh hell…I am really busy in office working on unreasonable deadline…( deadlines are always unreasonable.. That’s why they are DEADLINES )….20 files are open on my desktop…. 3 ref. books are staring me since few hours….my eyes and hands are working in perfect co-ordination….mouse is tired of getting clicked….lines on the screen are confused as they donno what they mean….rendering image is searching for it's better half as Max is 'Not Responding'….spreadsheets are hopelessly empty looking like a poor deprived kid is Somalia or somewhere….only things running as fast as Me is the printer and plotter…..they are vomiting ink on paper as if a teenager is puking after endless cocktails…..support team is preparing boards….office secretary is 'just' informing me that the client will be here in probably an hr…. The consultant panel is waiting in the meeting room... completely clueless.. As they are always..( that's their job I guess)… my project pitch is still waiting eagerly for receiving few 'good points' (intelligent people call it USPs) about the project…from no where fire alarm shouts like mad only to scare my guts out.. with its 'Routine' test…click….drag… click .. Drag… drag.. Drag… drag.. Click….drag.. Click.. Click.. Click…yes.. Bind it… no.. That is on glossy paper…. … serve tea to consultants…don't get me any phone now….this .that… that..this….
-< When the bhaiyya will dip that potato bhaji in besan mix… and put it in boiling oil…it will make a nice cherrrrr sound.. And I will get that spicy smell….slowly slowly it will turn brown … dark brown….. Bhaiyya will the put some green chillies in the oil… and fry them as well….then he will take both the things out… put salt on deep fried grren chillies…. will get a soft slice of pao.. Partly cut it… then first he will put the sweet and sour imli chutnety on it… then he will apply red garlic chutney….then he will put that warm and nice brown tasty wada in in-between the pao that he just prepared.. Will give it a soft press…just to take the hot vapour out of the wada…. put it in the saucer… put salty fried green chillly nest to it and pour some green liquid hot and sweet chutney on it…and will serve it as 'The Wadapao'….. I will take the first bite…and I will be in heaven….he will hand me in a glass of masala cutting with a strong smell of ginger and a sip will me export to heaven stage 2….i will be standing at the edge of tapri and suddenly the sky will get cloudy and it will starting pouring like mad…. Caught for a shock.. I will get little wet and soon settle myself on the timber bench (fally) just a foot inside the roadside tapri….and with the rains, the mysterious fragrance of soil will do the rest to take us to Heaven stage 3…..and there we will talk about how 'form'al zaha is getting and mundane 'function'al aspects of Indian Jon Jerde..Hafeez…and dreamy theories of Cook and 'limited'ness of correa…and How we are far better than everybody else…and how we will change the world to make it better place…( seriously..i am not joking.. we actually believe that we can shape the 'Better'world) >-
The meeting has started…glossy images have done their work well..and spreadsheets are fighting hard to survive…I am talking completely meaningless things and consultants are looking at me with little more respect…..i am convincing the client to make a building that will put my company on global map again and which MIGHT help him to make some money for himself out of the project….But all I am speaking is...This project is the best business proposal (adding a word 'premium' after every three words) and how it will make him immortal….and how he should be proud of this building….and how he is also getting a attractive (!) building with higher degree (not completely*) of functionality…. And how this (huge) extra cost is completely justified (its not.. if u ask me ) for the masterpiece he is getting…he seems convinced…
-< I will talk to my boss to consider the pay raise…and he will promise me that he will consider (he will definitely consider.. Not that he will actually do it) I have been working like donkey ( sorry donkeys )…missing parties…hanging out with friends…having serious fights with wifey for having extra marital affairs in office-with my office desktop and mobile phone…I designed few funny looking buildings which my clients are proud of….I will have to look for funnier shapes in a next yr…or may be I will have to mix the shapes I have, to come up with tasty design bhel….wow…bhel...bhaiyya will put kurmure,farsaan,shev,finely chopped onion,green chilli,chat masala,boiled potato,peanuts,green mango (kairi),crushed puries, coriander, all possible chutneys and special spicy watermix, mix properly in him container….just perfect to taste…and serve a saucerfull of bhel….only to be asked by us to make it little hot for some and wet for some and sweet for some…may be he will add more nuts for one and give someone more shev as she asked…. he will just do that without an ego…and most importantly he will give all of us free… mind u .. Free... masala puri …customised as we want…he will be more than happy to see the satisfaction on our face... and won't mind if we pay now or a day later...with a smile on his grateful face as if we have obligued him by eating at his stall... We will be tastefully elevated to heaven…as we got things that we wanted..the way we wanted…with free gifts of masala puri and in a very affordable price….We love and we will continue to love the bhelwalla bhaiyya and will always go to him… he's just good…..>-
My presentation is done… I have somehow managed to convinced the client.. He does not look very happy about his decision but he has no choice now as he has signed the contract and time is running out for him…. I am successful in selling a good (?) building which my office is proud to put it in it's portfolio…..consultants are happy as they have something to do now and something to fight amount themselves….My boss has couple of more cheques to cash…..My support staff will have a nice weekend at home (not office)… and Me...
I am looking forward to little pay raise…In my last appraisal I was advised to learn multitasking… when I asked,like an idiot, what does that mean.. Then boss said… it means letting your body and mind work separately…it means thinking something and doing something else.. It means being at multiple places at same time…and belonging nowhere specific...
I think I have taken my appraisal pretty seriously… what do you think boss ?
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